It’s crazy how much we’re held back by fear. Maybe we don’t like spiders because of the stories we've heard of black widows. Maybe we won’t dance in public for fear of the laughs and stares we'll get from the crowd. Fear is having the worst of any desired outcome come true. It’s thinking through all possibilities of the unknown and hanging on to that scenario being the most practical.
As a kid, I had a huge fear of spiders until I found out that 99% of spiders aren't harmful to humans. As a teenager, I was afraid of what others thought about me then I realized people are so caught up in their own thing that they're not really thinking about me as much as I think they are. Now as an adult there are worse things to fear like cancer, diabetes, or stroke. But even then I learned that those things can be avoided with diet and exercise.
I say all this to say that our fears are all because of unknown factors and us not understanding the outcome. The more we learn about the situation the less fear we have. You're not scared of spiders, you're scared of getting bit. You're not afraid of heights, it's the outcome of falling.
I’m not going to tell you that there’s nothing to fear. There are thousands of people already telling you that. But I will say that how you frame it totally changes the fear to an advantage.
✍️ Quote of the week:
There is freedom waiting for you, in the breezes of the sky, and you ask, "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly? -Erin Hanson
🎶 Song of the week:
🧠 Top 3 learnings:
Negotiate, don’t command - One of the things I’m teaching my daughter is to be a better negotiator. I try to resist the need to “put them in their place." Instead, I invite her along to be a collaborative negotiator. Here’s an example:
Me: 5 more minutes at the park and it’s time to go.
Cici: No, 10.
Cici: NO 10!!
Me: 5 minutes or we’re leaving now. You choose.
Cici: Ok 7.
Side note: this all goes out the window if she’s skipped a nap or is hungry.
Writing: A writer friend of mine taught me how to write better, here are some tips:
- Delete “very” and “really” from your vocabulary.
- Your writing sounds more believable if you add specific numbers and language.
- Write about the benefits, not the features.
- Write below a 5th-grade level.
- Starting sentences with “there” makes it hard to understand.
- Stop using “thing” as a descriptive word.
- Use 80% short sentences, and 20% long ones.
- Saying “I think” makes your writing sound weak.
Bravery: A lot of people think bravery is about the absence of fear. What I’ve learned is that it’s having the feeling of fear, uncertainty, and doubt and continuing to do it anyway, and deciding that something else is more important. A lot of people realize this when they have nothing else to lose or when they realize that fear, uncertainty, and doubt are better than any other current situation.
🖍 Designer thoughts:
Whoever said “great art is pain” was dead on. I use to think that somehow this meant that great artists come from really big struggles or had some type of emotional suffrage that naturally made them better artists. Although sometimes that could be it, I’ve realized that the pain comes from the journey. Some of my best work has been when pushing through tight deadlines or when there was a lot of risk on the line. There’s a lot of stress involved in that but a lot of reward in getting to that point where you're able to look at your design and smile.
Great design is hard but what isn’t? You want a strong physique, you got to put your body through that stress day in and day out. If you want to be the best social person, you have to put yourself in many social interactions (parties, meetups, events).
The cost of getting what you want is way higher than you think but if you build your life around success for the long run you can go further than you could possibly imagine.
👴 Dad thoughts
My wife likes to tickle our daughter and make her laugh right before bed. This will go on for about 5-10 minutes. I always thought it got her worked up right before bedtime which would cause her to be up late but it actually does the opposite. I recently learned that laughing before bed actually releases endorphins and creates a calm environment for a child to feel safe and relaxed. My wife didn’t know this but it’s crazy to think how much we do this parenting thing naturally. There’s a lot of intuition involved in raising a kid so it’s fun to see all the things we do just happen innately.
Have a great week!
📬 PS: Please do reply to this email if you have anything to add / or any questions. I quite enjoy replying to comments/emails as a source of procrastination from revision.
📬 PPS: Please hit the <reply> button and let me know what you thought of this email if you have a spare few seconds. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what was useful about it and what could be changed. Thanks <3